Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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