just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
