Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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