i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
