i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
