why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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