im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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