You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
