So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone came in the potted fern
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
