i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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