remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
