Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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