He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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