Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
