I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize