You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
