I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
