He passed out mid-signature
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
