I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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