it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, beer. Big fan.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
