if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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