i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
