I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
