Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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