onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize