I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
