The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
