im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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