cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
