i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
