I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize