Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
