Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
