I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
