why didn't you poke me back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
