i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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