just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
