trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
