Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize