Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
