he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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