He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
