remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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