We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
