If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize