Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
