I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
