remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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