it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
