people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
