i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
