I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize