so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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