did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
