I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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