Me too!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
