this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
