I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
