Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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