Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
