I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
