i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
