M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't deserve a penis
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
