my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
