so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
