I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
