I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
