the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
