Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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