Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
